Goodbye
by Fenmir
Summary: It breaks her heart, knowing that she has taken this beautiful, damaged man and broken him. The worst part is knowing that she could have fixed it before, and it's too late.


Disclaimer: TVD is not mine.

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She doesn't know what it is, but one night she feels the need to go find Damon. Neither of the brothers are answering her calls, and she has only received a cryptic text from Stefan as an explanation.

By some stroke of good luck the door is unlocked, so she slips inside and makes her way towards the living room, where she knows he will be. Sure enough, he is standing by the fire, scotch in hand. He cuts a dashing figure, standing by the fire, clad in black jeans and a black t-shirt that skims over his abs, tight in all the right places. Her breath hitches, and a little part of her hates herself, because she knows she shouldn't be thinking about how good he looks (but she is.)

"I'm leaving, Elena." He says abruptly, just as she opens her mouth to speak.

"…What?" She asks. The words have hit her like a punch in the gut, and for a moment she can't think; she can't breathe. All she can do is pray that she has heard him wrong. (She knows she hasn't)

"I'm leaving Mystic Falls, Elena."

"What do you mean, you're leaving?" She asks. "You can't just… leave." Her mind is racing. No, no, no, no, no, no. He can't be serious; this couldn't be happening. He couldn't leave her. (She needs him)

"And yet I am." He says, just a hint of the Damon she knows (and loves) in his voice.

"Please don't leave, Damon." She says, moving to rest her hand on his arm. He gently moves her hand away.

"You need to stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?"

"You need to stop assuming that I'll do something just because you're the one who's asking me to."

"I…" She trails off.

"It won't work, Elena. Not this time."

"Damon, please," she fights to keep her voice steady. "I need you."

"No you don't, Elena. St. Stefan is back. Your life can go back to the way it was, when you were so in love with him. That's what you've wanted all along. Congratulations. You finally got what you wanted."

"No, Damon, that's not—" he cuts her off with a look.

"You know what hurts the most, Elena?" She shakes her head silently, not wanting to hear the long list of things she has done to hurt him. (She never wanted to hurt him.)

"Do you remember when you said we'd let Stefan go? When you said that _we _would survive this?" He asks.

"We're still alive, Damon." She reminds him, even though she knows that's not what he means.

"I believed you." He tells her. "I believed you when you said that. I looked into your eyes, and… God, Elena, I knew that when Stefan came back you'd go running back to him. I knew that he'd come back, because even in his darkest place my brother is still an insufferable martyr who has to be his best self. I knew this was going to happen, and I let myself believe that it wasn't. I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, you meant what you said. I believed you." His voice cracks, and her heart cracks when she hears the pain in his voice. (She never wanted it to be like this.)

"I did mean it, Damon. I did. _Every_ word I said to you, I meant. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"I wanted it to be real, Elena!" He yells, his glass shattering on the other side of the room. "That's all I ever wanted." He turns away from her and she can see his body shaking with what she thinks are repressed sobs. She wants to touch him so badly, but the six inches between them feels like six miles. Something has has changed, and she knows they can never get it back. They can never be the way they were. (That's what she really wants). It breaks her heart, knowing that she has taken this beautiful, damaged man and broken him. The worst part is that she could have fixed it, and now it's too late.

"It was real, Damon." There's a long moment of silence, and then he turns back to face her.

"No it wasn't, not really. Not in the way that counts. You never stopped holding onto him with everything you had, Elena. You never gave us a chance, because you were so focused on my brother and you were too scared of what might happen, because I make you feel something. For reasons unknown, you're afraid of what you feel, and you know it, whether you'll admit it or not. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't feel something for me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me, Elena." She avoids eye contact, knowing he'll see the lie in her face, and shakes her head silently, too overcome to speak. He sighs "There you go again with the lying. You can lie to me and Stefan—hell, lie to anyone you want too—but don't lie to yourself."

She hates herself, because she knows every word he is saying is true. She is afraid, she is lying….

"I'm not the only one who lies, Damon. You said you'd never leave me," she deflects, fighting to hold back the tears that are brimming in her eyes.

"I know." He says. "But I have to leave, Elena. I've already lived this scenario once before. You want to know how it ends? You pick Stefan, and I go on loving you like the fool that I am, until I can't take it anymore and I…well… You've seen how it ends. You know the story."

"No." She tells him. "It's different this time, Damon."

"It's too late for it to be different, Elena. I can't spend the next 50 or so years waiting for you, hoping that someday you'll stop choosing Stefan. I can't spend the next 50 or so years getting close to you, only to be pushed away when you get scared. I have to go live my own undead life, and leave you to live your living one. You want some life advice? God knows I've lived enough to qualify to give it to you. Graduate high school, Elena. Go to college, meet a nice human boy, settle down and have lots of babies. Grow old surrounded by your family and die peacefully, surrounded by the ones you love. Live the life you would have lived if you'd never met either Stefan or me. Forget about both of us, because you don't want to turn, and that's OK, Elena. I would never force you to turn. I understand not wanting this for the rest of eternity. Believe me, I do. But you can't love a vampire and not turn. I can't bear to—"

She grabs him then, pulling his face down to hers and kissing him. She pours everything she has into that kiss, trying to make him understand all the things she has never been able to vocalize. All the love she feels for him, that she has never been willing or able to put into words. He starts to respond to her, before shutting down completely and gently separating them.

"I love you." She tells him.

Hope flashes in his eyes, and then he shakes his head. "I know what you're doing here, Elena. You love me, but you're in love with Stefan."

"No," she shakes her head frantically. "Damon, please, listen. It's not like that."

He presses a chaste kiss to her forehead, and she can see the tears swelling in his eyes. One slips down his cheek, and he sighs.

"God I love you, Elena. I love you so much more than you can ever know. But it hurts. It hurts so damn much… Sometimes I don't think I'll be able to breath because of the pain; this beautiful, sick, twisted, exquisite pain. That's why I have to leave."

"Damon, no…" she whimpers, reaching out to touch him, trying desperately to catch him and hold him and never let him go.

"Goodbye, Elena." and then he is gone.

"Damon!" She screams, her voice breaking as the tears start to flow in earnest. She knows that he can hear her from wherever he is. "Damon!"

He doesn't come back.

Something deep within her soul shatters when he doesn't come back. She had thought her heartbreak from moments before was painful... it was nothing compared to this. What she is feeling is pain beyond words. She had never imagined pain like this could exist.

Everything goes black and suddenly she is on her knees, her tears completely blinding her as the sobs shake her body, threatening to tear her to pieces. Too late, she realizes what she has done by loving them both. She though if she just ignored Damon's feelings for her, and her feelings for him, maybe everything would work out. She had hoped, even though she knew it wouldn't work, that she would be able to keep him as a friend and ignore her feelings for him.

She was stupid (she knows it). She had broken Damon, and in return he broke her, and it's her fault, it's all her fault. She did this to them.

She has become the one thing that she had tried so hard not to be.

She is Katherine.

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And that is how I'm afraid the season will end.


End file.
